I'm struggling...

...but I won't give up without a fight.

I don’t usually do this kind of thing. But I have a confession to make. I knew it would be hard, after all, I’m still getting used to touring in the absence of Micke. But all the same, I was not prepared for the pain of performing the material from this latest album. You guys are always honest with me, you tell me very intimate stories of yourselves night after night and I have nothing but gratitude for your candidness, that you trust me with those stories. So, I’m going to be real with you. 

I need a break. I have needed a break for some time, but I have tried and tried to keep going. Following Micke’s death, I was driven to continue, and I attempted to do so as if the incredible heaviness of the past two years would never catch up with me, pretending it wasn’t weighing on me. At last, I collapsed under the burden. I didn’t want to admit it was too much; I didn’t want to disappoint and in the end, that is exactly what I did to all of you.

You all have heard the stories by now, about how I quit on stage. Some of you were understandably pissed at me for walking away. Others were deeply saddened. The truth is this: I didn’t want to live anymore. It scares me now to think how close I came to taking my own life. I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to Kåre. He saved my life that night and he continues to save my life every single day since then. He is my hero and always will be.

I still really struggle to imagine a future without Micke. Without him, my entire outlook has been nothing but bleak. However, I’m getting help and trying to gain a new perspective on things, just as I’ve always encouraged any one of you who has relayed their own struggles to me to do. I will get better; I will do better. I promise. But it will take time, and I’m trying to accept that.

If any one of you is going through anything similar, please reach out to those who love you. There is always a way out, even if you have difficulty finding the way. Sometimes it takes someone else to shine a light, to help you get your bearings and rekindle a hope for the future.

With that revelation laid out in the open, I’d like to ask for your consideration and for you all to respect my privacy for the time being. I have cancelled all of the remaining gigs on this current tour. They will be rebooked and your tickets will be honored at the future gigs. I don’t know how long it will take to get back on my feet, so please bear with me. 

I love you all and I am so terribly sorry for what I put everyone through.